Morning has arrived, YaY!! Despite the pain I was in I was anxious, nervous, scared, emotional an most of all full of excitement to get downstairs an Officially meet Kayde for the 2nd time this time lil more clear headed then I was last night right after the C-Section. Shaking as my sis pushes me into Kayde's room I am in awe all over again, he is so precious an tiny. Kayde's nurse comes in an tells me great news that kayde did awesome all night long an in his nurse's words "was the big guy in the nic unit an was top of his class" :) It was just what i needed to hear, my baby is alright. Doing so well that he says would you like to hold him. I froze inside, yes i finally said. I was shaking an so scared he is so tiny i was afraid. While getting Kayde ready to come out for 1st cuddle a Dr. came in, introduced herself an asked me if I had met 2 other Dr's yet. ( sorry don't remember names). She said they would be in shortly to talk to me. I thought ok sure if you say so. When kayde was layed on my chest, I can't even begin to tell you everything I felt. I was flooded with emotions. Seconds later those Dr.'s she was talking about where talking to me about "Do you notice anything about your son"? Confused I answered he is tiny. He answered with no charistics of Down Syndrome. My heart shattered on the floor. No How could this be? Why would they do that to me when I'm holding my son an meeting him for the first time. I couldn't control myself my perfect boy wasn't perfect anymore. In hysterics an state of shock I start bleeding all over the place Kayde is taken from me an I was rushed back upstairs. Barely able to breathe I feel so numb, I don't understand I kept saying. An my sis breaking beside me an i know all she wanted was to fix it an make it better for me but there was no making it better. After the initial shock I knew there was nothing that needed to be fixed. He is mine just like he was back in the pregnancy. I still love him as I did the few sec i saw him hrs after an the same way I did when he was on my chest. An he was an is perfect. I was filled with alot fear about his health as now he was double slammed 10 weeks early an DS. What did that mean for him now? Alot of anger came out in me as well, how could no one see the markers in all the u/s I had. I did my part in trying to find out an I believed all the Dr. To be honest I still have alot feelings about it. Not only did I have to learn what NICU life is like an everything that comes with it but now DS. An its something I was willing to prepare for an educate myself for before he arrived an all those Dr said no.
FISH Test came back a week later an confirmed T21.
Kayde has no health issues other then a hernia in groin due to being preemie.
We spent 2 months in the NICU,We came home few days before his due date with him weighing 5 1/2 lbs. I am proud to say I pumped for him for 13 weeks before I actually got him on the breast. Where now is his fav. spot to be..:)
Thanks all that hung in there an read all way through... I did my best not to write forever an ever because I feel that I could. An after the storm settles an you get on your feet Holland is a great place. Thank you Emily Perl Kingsley's. An a big thanks to the Sunnybrook staff that cared for Kayde an I. You are truly amazing ppl.
Thank you Kayde for choosing me as your mommy.
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