Its Your Birthday!!!!

To Kayde:
A Year ago at this time, I was meeting you for the 1st time, 8 hrs after I had you. You were the most tiny perfect little thing that ever could be. :) I have always said you were my little HERO, and little did I know then what a HERO you would be. We started our journey a little different then I had expected, it was scary, very emotional, and full of unknown,but always full of prue love ...for you. A year into our journey and I can't tell you how happy I am you choose me to walk this path with you.We have had our ups and downs and through it all you have came out on top. You have taught me more in a year then some learn in a life time. You are truley GRAND KAYDE like Auntie Meg says. :) A very Special HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY Peanut!!!!! Mommy ♥'s you to pluto and back.

                        Day 1 of life    &      Day 365 of life

My mommy sure is excited about something this morning...so I will be too!!!

I'm still tired and not quite awake yet mommy

but ok mommy if it's that exciting

uhmm is she gonna act like this all day.....:)

oh yes I was and I did here is what we did next:

We got a good snow fall today and mommy went out and wrote in the snow for you!!!!!!

And last but not least we had a min photo shoot with Auntie pam. I must say you are the sweetest lil birthday dragon I have ever seen...

Hernia & Orchidopexy Surgery

The day has arrived it is surgery day. :( I have been up for pretty well 2 days, spring cleaning in the middle of February or maybe the nesting feeling I didn't get with Kayde arriving early..Haha Ok I'll admitt it, it was purely the mommy worry wart in me. :) Needless to say a whole lot of cleaning came out of it.

Up at 4am so that Kayde can nurse the last hr he is able to eat. Poor boy, being pulled from a good sleep to get dressed. As for the eating I planned for him to do, he was not intrested at all this was he sleeping time.I was able to get him to nurse a lil through struggling to keep him awake. I can only pray now that he sleeps till almost surgery time or I am gonna have one upset hungry boy.  Running around trying to make sure I have everything we are going to need, I feel like I am forgetting something. Double check Kayde folder and bag. Ok I think we have everything and we are off. I feel sick, dizzy and way over tired. 1st things I needed a coffee for the drive. Shortly after getting on the highway I really start to feel sick to my stomach, my nerves are taking over, hands are sweaty, heart is beating fast and I feel like I could faint. Window down need cool air, window up am to cold, window down to hot ect. that went on for the whole drive. Finally we get there. Whew we made it, what a drive.

6:30am Deep breathes and shaking we enter the hospital, to go register Kayde and head up to the pre-op waiting room. Before we make it to the waiting room I hear that sweet lil voice babbling ba ba ba and blowing raspberries, uh oh he was to stay asleep. lol yea right like that was gonna happen. We get registered and are told to have a sit a nurse would be out shortly to get us and take vitals and go over the course of the day. Not secs after sitting Kayde looks at me and gives me his tounge sucking que that means I'm hungry and the crying started. This is so hard for me not to feed him, he had to be thinking to what happened , Why mommy wont feed me. All he knows is me feeding on demand. Let me tell you how he was demanding to be fed, I tried all the toys I had brought and the musical glow worm worked for awhile but not long enough. :( It broke my heart to deny him. I would get him intrested in something for few mins an then he would remember what he wanted, whip his head around start rooting and the tears flowing.

8 am  finally Kayde is called. We met with the nurse and we talked few mins, she went over how the day would play out. She checked Kayde vitals, weighed him 16lbs 8oz. We changed Kayde into his gown, (how cute baby hospital gowns...:) and were told to go sit in another part the waiting room where we would meet the surgical team and the surgen for them to answer any last questions or concerns we may have.

   My heart races, I feel a lump in my throat and my eyes are watering. I close my eyes and start taking deep breathes. I'm thinking to myself I don't want him to go. I wanna run out of here with him. Before I knew it the surgical team was standing in front of us, interducing themselves. We go over a few things and then are asked to come with them to a different waiting room where we will wait till he is out of surgery. Daddy and I walked very slowly behind the team as we knew when we hit the end the hallway they were gonna take him from us..:( Tears running down my face as I kiss his sweet lil cheeks and promise him he is gonna be ok, and I will be waiting for him and the sec he is awake mommy will be by his side. Daddy hugging and kissing him the nurses ask for him but daddy wont give him up. :( Few more kiss's and I see Daddy's shaking hands pass him over, I feel like my heart is being torn out of me as she walks through the OR doors with my baby. We stand there crying and holding onto each other with everything we have, crying and crying, this is so scarey for us. Our baby. Time seemed to freeze and it felt like it would never be 11am. That is when they expected Kayde to be out of surgery and in recovery.

  
 11am. He is out and surgery went great, no complications and him waking up in recovery is going well too. I felt the greatest releif the sec I layed eyes on my baby, he is ok. I got a semmi half sweetest smile ever. Before I knew it he was awake and rooting. We spent an hr in recovery then headed up to our room.

Up in Kayde's room we were greeted by Irina who would be his nurse for the day. She got us all settled and re-checked Kayde's vitals. Everything is good. She brought us some blankets told us to get some rest while Kayde is still sleepy, she said she would be back every hr to check on him, and at 3pm he would get more pain meds. 

Daddy took you out of bed secs after the nurse left it was time for his cuddles. 

7pm- YaaaYYY!!! We are going home early!!!! I am so proud of my lil boy, he is my lil hero from day one. I did all that worrying for you to come out and show me you were just fine but hey thats my job. I will always worry and I know deep down you will always prove me wrong :) Thank You for that. Thank you all the wonderful people @ SICK KIDS, you are all truely amazing at your jobs.  

What a suprise!!!!

LoL, So I have to laugh at myself today. Last week or so ago was a very rough week in the world of breastfeeding. I am lucky enough to say it was the first time since I started nursing Kayde we have had any problems. ( knock on wood). Well anyways it was a very long painful week  and alot of hand expressing for bottle feeds until I healed. All week I had myself convinced Kayde was getting top teeth. Day after day nothing, well I healed and we began nursing again and everything has been fine other then getting my milk back to his supply, which I'm sure he will have back in a few days. :) Supply and Demand right?? Well Kayde knows how to demand quite well. In the middle of feeding Kayde this morning he was grabbing at the spoon and chomping right down on the right side of his mouth. Sure enough when I put my finger in there right through the gum on the bottom there is a tooth, my baby boy has his first tooth. :) YYYYaaaaaYYYYY. So excited, and if your wondering day 1 of nursing with a tooth so far so good, we will see what happens as it comes up and more come in. Hopefully my boy is nice to me!!!!!

Clapping!!!!

I am so excited and full of tears of joy and happiness!! Kayde for a long time has clapped his feet and now out of no where with a big smile on his face he looks at me and starts clapping his hands!!!!! YYYYYYYaaaaaaaYYYYYYYY Kaydster!!!!! I am so proud of him and can't be more thankful how he has shown me its the little things that have the greatest rewards!!!

Here is a lil video of my big boy clapping!!!!

Thyroid Testing

I am so mad right now....Grrrrr, So I will begin here, Kayde needed blood work checked for his up coming surgery. 1 of those blood test being his Thyroid, that was Jan 30th. week later a Friday at 4:30pm I get a call from the family dr office saying his Thyroid is low. I ask for the numbers an she tells me TSH is 11.39 and FreeT4 is 15.  I get off phone and start reaserching normal thyroid levels. OMG a normal TSH is .5 to 5.0 but since 2003 has been recommended that .3 to 3.0 is normal range. Normal FreeT4 levels 0.7 to 2.0. I am freaking out.  I get thinking and I start wondering what his levels were last time it was checked. I was told they were fine. I quickly try the office back and there closed, DAMN. I now have to wait all weekend. Awww I wanna scream, I look back in my note book I started the day he was born and am very thankful I did. Kayde's Thyroid was checked before being discharged from the NICU and I had his levels. TSH was 4.36 and FreeT4 was 19.60. I remember reading his file that morning in the NICU and I questioned the Dr. about it then and was told the levels were high because he was still preemie and not adjusted age yet.  Grr I need his levels from the last test.

 The weekend seemed to take forever and consited of alot of reading and me getting more upset. Monday final arrives and right at 9:30 I'm on the phone. She reads me the levels and I say are you KIDDING me. TSH- 7.98 FreeT4- 18. I'm so pissed at this point and I said I need an appt now to talk with him about this, we need a referal, this needs to be fixed NOW. Kayde is few weeks away from being 1, and clearly has  Hypothyroidism.  Oh yes the story gets better he is on vaccation till the 13. Purely in a state of Dr. rage now. Grrrrr I say ok fax the results to our Ped, and I will get him to refer us on.  I give it the day and the next day I phone our Ped to make sure his office got the fax and to push for a appt. An to my luck look who is also on vacation till the 13th. Ok really are you kidding me, this can't be happening.

I am at the point of tears, this is my lil boy, and his health they are playing with.  This is no joke and like I mentioned above Kayde is almost a year and clearly has been left untreated. My heart is breaking as I write this...:(

Preanesthesia Clinic

Kayde needed to visit the preanestesia clinic considering his history and corrected age.  We headed off to Sick Kids on a snowy Friday morning to be there by noon. The drive down was awful, but we made it just in time and when I mean just on time we walked through the clinic doors right at noon. Kayde now awake and hungry, and of course the one time I need the waiting room to busy so I have some time to nurse Kayde, it is empty. Just my luck..lol. Out come the special mommy multi-tasking skills,  nursing and filling out a 3 page questionnaire,,whew I did it. 

 Next we met with a NP who went through Kayde's history and the questionnaire. She explained everything that would happen and how the day of surgery would go. The no eating solids after midnight, an then she says no BF after 5am. Surgery is booked for 9am we are to be there 6:30am. Uh mm yea I thought to myself easier said then done. They don't know Kayde he is gonna be screaming for breast.  I really wonder how that morning is going to  work out for us and I will be sure to let you know how it goes..:) She begins to say that it is a day surgery but after talking and going over everything she thinks Kayde shoud stay the night just to be watched. In a way I felt alot of relief when she said that. I know its not really a good thing that a day surgery as turned in to a overnight stay but I can't tell you how nervous and scared I feel over this. We talked a little while longer as she examined  Kayde and put him on the scale. Whoot Whoot 16 lbs. 

Next we met the Anesthesiologist who went over the same things and also said he thought it would be a good idea to book Kayde a bed for the night.  He went over how Kayde would be put under and what would happen from his part in the surgery. He explained a Caudal block and a general area block and said we needed to decide what we wanted Kayde to have. I asked a lot of questions about both methods, but I don't know. Caudal Block scares me a lil bit its in the spine like epidural but no line is put in it is a one time pain/freeze shot.  General area block is similar but the just try to block the nerves in the area they are operating. I don't know which one. I have some research to do...  

February Thoughts

 February is here, WoW how did we get here so fast. February means Kayde's surgery is coming up. On the 16th actually @ Sick Kids. He is having his Hernia repair /Orchidopexy and to be honest I am freaking out. Thankful Kayde has had no other health issue's other then this. I know it's not a major surgery and I know its nothing to all those Lil one's and there mommas who have been through OHS.  Yes, Yous are my hero's :)

I feel like I am going crazy right now, I am so nervous an scared, I feel sick over it. I've never been through this before. Having one my children have surgery and my baby, my Lil peanut.  I'm scared of him being put under, I'm scared for him while he is under, I'm scared for him waking up from being under, I'm scared the pain he is gonna feel, Bottom line I'm damn scared about the whole thing. Yes, I know deep down he is gonna be OK and he will probably recover just fine. Kids are so resilient right??? I try to keep telling myself that but most days it doesn't help, the fear takes over...